You know what would follow when your kid decides to try a new skill.
You understand that initial difficulties in mastering the skill independently would frustrate his little brain.
And he would question his abilities or take the matter personally.
You know the thought process going on within his head.
And you know how this process will conclude. In a tantrum!
You brace yourself for the upcoming tantrum. Or maybe you consider intervening and rescuing him from the situation.
Stop yourself! Because this untimely intervention can harm your kid’s tolerance towards failure.
Teach him to accept failures as friction which is only meant to facilitate movement.
Instead of soothing your kids, try these tips to help your kids deal with failure and turn it into a neutral experience free of negative emotions.
To you, their tantrum is a challenge. To them, the top not spinning perfectly is a challenge.
Accept your challenge as a minor hurdle which is giving you angles of improvement so they can do the same for their challenges.
Let go of worry. Children are intuitive they will pick the vibrations of calmness and peace in you and follow your lead.
Accept Their Challenge
Talk about their challenge. So, they are losing at their game or lagging behind in their homework.
Tell them it happens. Let them express their feelings by identifying and naming emotions.
Don’t panic. Don’t generalize the situation. It can be a one-off event or it can be from a stream of similar failures. We, as parents, have to accept that our child is different. He may not accomplish the goals in the same time-line as their siblings or peers. Don’t worry if your child hasn’t yet started dressing himself by the age of four years. He will catch up with positive reinforcement and proper training. But judgment and worry will only deter his success.
Your kid is not falling behind if he can’t grasp the new math concept the first, second or fifth time. Every problem is different and so does every occasion when they approach this problem.
It is only natural for you to expect high achievement if your child showed excess attention in his first meeting with a new skill. But accept that his mood will experience different shifts in subsequent encounters so does his interest and attention.
Don’t expect the same level of command on the skill in every encounter and accept the deficiencies.
Give Appropriate Pep-Talk
Make them understand the complications involved in the process before they take up the challenge.
Inform them of the expected success rate and tell them that failure is only an indication that you are moving in the right direction.
Tell them positive stories about success and failure and how these results don’t matter.
Show them that only persistence guarantees success, not early successes or failures.
Avoid Rescuing Them
Just don’t. You will kill their ability to bounce back by helping themselves.
You can distract them if they are too distressed but that should be just the last resort or if the challenge is beyond their age. Remind them about the power of yet in the latter case.
If they seek help, join them as a team. Don’t tell them what to do. Instead, explore the options with their results together.
Let them have confidence in achieving their goals themselves.
What would you do next time seeing your kids distressed over their failures?
Let them make peace with the hurdles that come in their way by equipping them with the right tools. Allow them to feel it. Help your kids deal with failures by commanding complete control over them.
Failure shouldn’t control your kids. Rather your kids should be the one to have to reign.