Sorry to disappoint you. I know what you believe about your kid’s future. How highly you thought about them. And what great dreams you have for them.
But I have to break it to you that all your beliefs are grounded in perceptions which have nothing to do with reality. Your talks are clueless. And your dreams are fantasies never going to make their way into the real world.
You have to reconsider your expectations. Period.
No. You don’t want to reconsider your child’s future? I can understand. But only giving it a reality check by doubting your, parenting, and your child’s talents will allow you to see the hurdles you, yes you, are creating in your kid’s path to success.
I am not creating any hurdles for my child. Stop this nonsense.
Yes, I heard it. But…
Don’t you tell them that they are bound to succeed?
They are natural. They will succeed no matter what. By telling them that they have a natural talent, you are telling them that they can outperform others without putting more efforts than them. They can stop polishing their talents and let the natural colors earn them success.
Their skills will not take them to success alone. They will need to polish it before it can transform into something valuable to the world. They will need to wrap it with supplementary skills to make it fit in the world of interlinked passions. They will, above all, need communication skills to put their masterpieces out of their cupboards into the exhibition of valued talents.
Their talent won’t take them to success if they don’t take their talents to excellence.
Don’t’ you tell them the stories of fake heroes?
Look at Harry Potter? Who taught him to be one of the biggest sorcerers of this world? Look at King Arthur! Who drew the sword to awaken his legendary position? And then you tell them that they are talented and they believe.
They believe that talent is a thing which resides within them and will manifest itself when it is the right time. They believe that they don’t need to worry about things going wrong because one day their inner strength will wake up and take charge of their life without much ado. They believe that they should wait for the right time instead of creating their impact every moment.
Tell reality-based stories instead. Tell them how great people worked hard, directed their talents in the right way, got rejected, and worked smarter to get their place in history.
Don’t you dismiss their weaknesses stating everybody has some of them?
In fact, you are right. Every human being on the earth has their fair share of weaknesses and limitations. If your child has some, it is not a big deal. But only those people cross the line of commonness and enter the category of great leaders who take their mistakes seriously instead of dismissing them as an ordinary feature.
If your child is limited in some way, let them know that only they can surpass this limitation and increase their potential in that area. The only requirement is a commitment, which comes from the perceived importance of breaking free, to break free of their limit.
Don’t you combine expressions of love with their success?
You love them, and you know it. But do they know your love too? Their perception of love which they received from you depends on how you show your love.
Do you express love without regard to their behavior? Or do you withhold it when they misbehave?
If they are used not to receive your love when they make mistakes, they may get threatened by the idea of taking a risk. If they feel threatened by the idea of making mistakes because you are withholding their biggest nourishment, then their creativity will die. And with this creativity, their talent will die.
Don’t you fuss too much about success?
In other words, don’t you take failures too harshly?
If you are taking failure as the final un-challengeable blow, then you are conveying that it is okay to retreat in the face of hardships and conflicts. If you are showing too much distress on kids’ failures, you are making it difficult for them to stick to their commitments, prompting them to lose heart without trying harder.
Instead, you need to practice the attitude of considering failure as an opportunity to experimenting new ways of accomplishing goals. Once this attitude starts appearing in your personality, your children will start taking the risk without fearing failure.
Don’t you dislike comparison of your kid with others?
But comparing kids evokes animosity, jealousy and submissiveness. It’s never a good idea to compare one kid with another.
For kids, and adults also, comparison grows negative emotions.
But the problem is not with comparison itself. The problem is with the feelings we attach with the comparison. If we find that a comparison which is putting us in a negative light is raising a feeling of defeat in us, then we should revamp our feelings and adjust our focus on the positive aspect of this evaluation. So, what can be the positive feeling attached with the comparison? It’s the feeling of knowing something we previously were unaware of and the sense of being challenged to do more.
At the same time, a comparison that regards us better than the other party should be thought as a part of a picture rather than as a whole picture.
That said, if you are teaching your kid to avoid comparison, you are limiting their potential to grow. Let them compare. Let them understand that not every criticism is wrong, some are just a push to polish your potential.
Let them take healthy criticism seriously.
Let them grow.
What about you?
Do any of the above accusations show your parenting mistake? If so, which one? Do you think it is a mistake? How are you going to undo it?