4 Reasons to not Quit Nagging Your Children to Help around the Home (and 5 Tips to Up Your Game)

After succeeding at home championship of shouting match you thought that now your son will help clean the garden.

But you were wrong. And the worst part is that this result was not surprising.

The behavior of these kids! You sometimes seriously think about changing your expectations and include more chores to your own routine. After all, it is easier to walk the dog for fifteen minutes a day yourself than to keep reminding your pre-teen doing the same for half an hour. And, even the result of half an hour of nagging is not guaranteed to occur in your best interest.

Quitting seems to be the best choice for your peace of mind. But I suggest otherwise.

The benefits of not giving up on your child’s self-sufficiency are just too many to forgo.

Reason #1

The process of assigning chores involves communication. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. But shouting matches are a form of communication aren’t they?

This process allows them to negotiate their responsibilities and protect their time from excessive work at home.

Tip # 1

Accept their need to communicate and use this need to educate them the right method to talk. Respect and active listening will take you places. Combine it with the right dose of firmness and expectations and voila! You have a happy family with goal resolution capabilities.

Reason # 2

Chores are fun.

Um! Really?

Well, yes. Chores can be fun if the approach is right. And that leads us to our tip # 2.

Tip # 2

Make chores fun. Find out creative ways to make them enjoyable without extrinsic rewards.

Think about doing chores and helping out as kinds of competitions. Who will gather more trash from the garden?

And you can add extrinsic rewards as one-off treats if you want.

Tip # 3

Or maybe you can include bonding and attachment time with chore time. How about turning store cleaning exercise into finding old hidden treasures?

Include them in planning, preparing, and presenting meals. Use their science knowledge and build upon it while fixing the shower.

Be available. Be willing to help without judgment. Remember the whole point is to get them to repeat the chore so many times it becomes a habit. You know, as parents we try our best to raise children with grit.

Reason # 3

Chores get them moving. And your kids need some time out of their virtual world.

Tip # 4

But dragging your kid out of their screen at chore times takes a step by step approach.

Start by communicating and scheduling the chore time in advance.

Give advance notice. To be precise, this notice should not be a request or command to start working. Rather a milder hint, such as a single word or visual clue will have the most effect.

Be present when it’s finally the time to execute the plan (well, you have to commit, at least initially).

Follow up, if you are not present to check out their progress while they are working.

Reason # 4

It helps in building their confidence.

It may appear that household chores are boring and mundane. And it is obvious that the child hates repetitive tasks of cleaning and washing. But these tasks also are important for our survival and lifestyle maintenance.

Their morale may plummet during work. But the boost in their moral which will come from benefiting from their own efforts will be paramount.

Tip # 5

Use productive feedback to show them areas of improvement and their strengths.

Appreciate their efforts and the fruits they are bearing. Point out their efforts’ impact on the areas where you (or other members of the family) felt relieved.

Allow them to feel the satisfaction of being a helping member of the household. In return, they will develop a sense of responsibility and an attitude of grit towards their part at house or in other life areas.

Document and/or celebrate.

Wrap Up

If you are seriously considering quitting on your child’s share of household chores, please stop. You can really mess up with their interests and emotional development which depend on them taking responsibility.

Instead, you need to evolve your bossing style with time to match their communication and emotional needs appropriate to their ages.

4 Qualities of Parents Who Raise Children with Grit

If he were you, he would never lose interest in coloring the diagram before it was ready to be displayed on the fridge.

But he wasn’t you!

Even when he was your son.

What reasons make him lose interest in the smallest duration tasks even when they were his favorite ones?

Is it a generational issue? It might be, given our new generation has a shorter attention span (thanks to screen).

But it doesn’t mean that the impact of parenting style can be underrated here.

Even in the presence of noises of social media and hundreds of distractions from comic books to video games, to all-time-dinging cell phones, you can raise children with grit.

Yes, even in the chaotic world of today. There are certain tools that will help you in this regard including assigning chores and determining a process to deal with tantrums and failures. But these tools are just that: tools. And they will only address part of the concern.

To get a more comprehensive result affecting the whole life of your child, you need to understand that the whole parenting style should be targeted towards helping children with their focus and interest.

Value Your Independence
Grit has strong ties with intrinsic rewards. If a person feels satisfied with his task, he will more likely continue it.

And internal satisfaction comes from ownership of desired goals. So, let your child’s independence have its say.

And let them lead their lives. Educate. Communicate. Negotiate. And set realistic plans which are directed towards their success.

Always remember, you can help them explore all their options. But you cannot force them to choose one which you think is most suitable. It should be their choice.

Be an Authoritative Parent
We all know that the authoritative style of parenting (and supervision) is the only most successful style. It does not only help the child in learning new skills and attaining agreed upon goals, but also fosters parent-child bond.

When you are authoritarian you accept that your child needs your support and may suffer from difficult days. You understand the learning curve and accept their tendency to regress in face of difficulties.

You use motivation, fun and positive rewards in the picture to keep your children on track.

Use Empathy
Understand that learning new things or perfecting some tasks may not be as fun as they appear. Children are bound to get distracted because of excess pressure of the task, distractions from the environment, or other factors.

You can only help them solve their problem if you communicate with them on a non-judgmental level and show empathy.

Show them you are their partner in their success, not a boss who wants to get things done at all cost.

Demand Accountability
Yes, you are not a boss. But you are not a mere friend also. You share the responsibility of their success and you have to put your skin in the game.

Don’t afraid to be a bad guy. You have to give productive feedback on their progress even it means indicating their flaws.

Phrase your comments politely and don’t hesitate to remind them their need to try harder when they appear to be lagging behind or forgetting their target.

Wrap Up
There are various communication tools and engagement activities which allow you to raise children with grit. But none of these resources will bear fruit if you don’t change your approach towards parenting your kids.

There are certain qualities of parents which let them help their children in developing a success-oriented attitude.

So are you ready to take your child to skies of success? How?

5 Ways to Help Kids in Gaining Self-Control

Will my child ever learn to behave when his peers are around?

Why my son never cleans his room without being told to do so?

How my teen will survive his high-school studies without me running after him?

And above all, ‘will my kid ever grow up to handle his affairs on his own?’

These are some of the questions we ask ourselves every day, week or month. The intensity of these concerns can be mild, representing friction of everyday life, or it can be severe, showing extreme laziness and dependence on others, especially parents.

As parents, we are rightly concerned about the sense of responsibility our adult kids will feel in future and the control they will exert on themselves.

But… Wait. Continue reading “5 Ways to Help Kids in Gaining Self-Control”

How to Dive into Bitterness and How to Climb Out of It

I have always been a high maintenance person. In fact, my symptoms are so severe that people from my inner circle used to tell me that I need to give myself a break. I didn’t spend much of my time in cleaning and perfecting my residence area, but I didn’t create much mess and didn’t like it when someone else created a mess there. And I always made a point to remind them how ugly it all is appearing.

But there was a character in my real life whose symptoms were even severer than mine. I used to listen to his rants about how things are going bad, and he should get a better, cleaner environment.

I used to think ‘Why if he is so irritated of disturbance, doesn’t he clean his surroundings all by himself? He has two hands, he can easily move with two legs he has gotten, and he has all the time in this world as he doesn’t do anything for a living,’ At least I was more bearable than him as I didn’t fuss about the cleanliness of others’ environment.

Continue reading “How to Dive into Bitterness and How to Climb Out of It”

4 Trainings You Get from Potty Training Your Child

Seriously!

How do people really succeed in potty training their children? It’s such a headache, isn’t it?

All in all, we cannot take our child’s place and move their bowel. They have to do it themselves. So how are we supposed to make them push when it is time and hold when it is not?

Uff!

But once the training was over, I realized that it left behind it traces not only on the kid (he was able to foretell when he needed to go) but also on me. it evoked new energy in me. This energy came from four trainings potty training provided me.

Continue reading “4 Trainings You Get from Potty Training Your Child”

Parenting Lessons I Learnt from my Loooong (ahem) Illness

Okay! Okay! It wasn’t that long. I was bound to my bed only for the better part of January. Yet, as you can imagine, it disturbed my life at home and at work.

 

Just imagine you are so ill that you cannot lift your head from your pillow and your toddler/preschooler/pre-tween/or tween wants all that attention from you that was his right before the illness.

You feel incapable and sorry. Continue reading “Parenting Lessons I Learnt from my Loooong (ahem) Illness”

6 Reasons Your Kid is a LOSER and What YOU Can Do About It

Sorry to disappoint you. I know what you believe about your kid’s success. How highly you thought about them. And what great dreams you have for them.

But I have to break it to you that all your beliefs are grounded in perceptions which have nothing to do with reality. Your talks are clueless. And your dreams are fantasies never going to make their way into the real world.

You have to reconsider your expectations. Period. Continue reading “6 Reasons Your Kid is a LOSER and What YOU Can Do About It”

5 Ways to Save Your Sanity as a Working Mom

‘So you were the bitch, again?’

‘How could you yell at your kid for the third time in a day even after promising yourself you won’t?’

‘No mother is as harsh as you are. Seriously you didn’t deserve the privilege of mothering such an adorable kid.’

This is my inner critique shouting at me every time I fail to remain calm at apparently innocent actions of my child. Do your critique is as harsh as mine?

This guilt of losing temper is common among working parents. And these lists of issues for which we feel guilty have many more entries. We fight against the guilt of not being with our children during their success and when they are feeling low, of not listening enough to their stories about their days, of not able to cook them quality meals every day, and of not investing more time in their personality building. Continue reading “5 Ways to Save Your Sanity as a Working Mom”

Rescue your child from fears in 5 easy ways

And it was the final nail in the coffin. After all these trainings and encouragements about taking that damn slide, the young lad was unable to go down that lovely body.

You pointed to other kids who were having the slide. How happy they were! You made him lose hold on the sides. And he went down, enjoying. And next time it was an issue, again. You even threatened him to go down the slide by himself, or you won’t bring him to the park next time.

And he responded by not going down the slide.

You are concerned. And, believe me! You have every right to be concerned. Your child is unable to have fun in situations where other kids are shrieking with fun.

What can you do to build up your child’s confidence?

There must be some way out of it, right? Continue reading “Rescue your child from fears in 5 easy ways”